People get into a relationship always with high hopes that it would be a good and lasting one. Why would anyone go into a relationship that is destined to fall apart, anyway? However, things do not always happen the way you want them to, and what may have started out as a promising relationship may turn out to be a nightmare.
If you are currently in a good-turned-bad relationship, you may be wondering what went wrong. Your relationship started out strong and healthy. So why did it suddenly turn for the worse? What did you or your partner do wrong or what did you not do?
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Here are some of the more common reasons:
Common Reasons that Can Cause a Good Relationship to Turn Bad
- Too much too soon
In order to maintain a lasting relationship, both partners must be willing to commit, and able to demonstrate emotional maturity and trust. However, these things take time to develop. In many cases, uncontrolled sexual urges get into the picture and ruin a budding relationship. Getting too physical and intimate during the very early stages opens up the floodgates for various issues that may put a lot of pressure on the partners, and eventually ruin the relationship before it even takes flight.
- Deception and lies
Dishonesty breeds the loss of trust, a very important ingredient of a successful relationship. Whether it is a seemingly “harmless” lie done once to gross infidelity, it can lead to a troubled relationship. Even if the aggrieved party has forgiven and forgotten the act of deception, still, the doubts will remain; and it could also lead to extreme jealousy. After all, a single act of deception or lying is indicative of your partner’s true character and emotional state. It could be a sign of low moral values, insecurity, or lack of integrity. Especially when it happens during the early stages of the relationship, the risks are high that it will happen again deep into the relationship, even after marriage. Anyone who has lied or cheated before knows that it can happen again.
- Inappropriate behaviour
Even if you are with the “right” person for you, the relationship will still turn sour and screw everything up if you do not do the “right” things, whether intentionally or not. Sometimes, knowing that you are with the right person gives you the confidence to test the waters, so to speak, knowing that your partner is just there and won’t leave you. You may also have doubts if you really are with the right partner and so you want to put the relationship to a test just to convince yourself if it is true; and this is treading on dangerous grounds. Why even try to find fault in something that is obviously good?
- Thinking that love is enough
If you think that your love is enough to sustain your relationship, you may be wrong. If it were true, no couple in love would encounter relationship difficulties. To put it bluntly, love may not be enough to fix behavioural issues you or your partner may be having. Love likewise cannot put food on your table or pay your mounting bills. There is more to having a successful relationship than just love. Sure, relationships will not last without love, but you need to be stable not only emotionally, but in other aspects of your life as well.
- Emotional baggage left to be forgotten, but not quite
Although new relationships are supposed to be a fresh start for both parties involved, this is not always the case. Everyone has painful memories of the past – be they experiences as a child, in past relationships, or in life in general – hidden somewhere in your mind which you thought you have forgotten, but may come back to haunt you with the entry of a new partner in your life. The emotional baggage can prevent you from investing a lot in your new relationship. This may be true of your partner as well who may have his/her own share of past hurts unknown to you. The issue, however, is not the wounds and scars left behind by these memories, but the willingness of the couple to analyse and work to get over them together.
- Being with the wrong partner
Your relationship may turn bad simply because you are with the wrong person. No matter what you do, say or think, the relationship will not work, especially if your differences are so wide that either party may not be able to cope with. Your incompatibility is a curse that has doomed your relationship from the start. No matter how hard you try to make things work, it will all be futile. A lot of issues will surface along the way. For one, you will realize that one or both of you are incapable of providing the other’s needs. Likewise, you may not be sharing the same values or have made a commitment for the wrong reasons.
- Loving blindly
This is a kind of loving that is purely based on your illusions about the relationship without reconciling with reality. You still feel that you love the person and see no bad qualities, even though people close to you provide information to the contrary. Even if you know that you need to pause and reflect on your relationship, you still proceed anyway.
- Trusting blindly
Similar to blind love, there is something wrong with your idea of trust. You need to have a solid basis for your trust, and you must adjust if you see warning signals that your partner may be doing something that is not worth trusting. Trusting blindly is a clear sign that you do not trust yourself, especially your ability to weigh the risks and be responsible for your actions.
- Clinging vine syndrome
Not too many people can endure an extremely jealous, possessive, controlling, and overbearing partner. If you do, then both you and your manipulative partner lack a good emotional foundation. It is also a clear sign of insecurity. You may see your partner’s unreasonable demand for your attention and extreme jealousy as a sign of true love. However, this is actually a destructive and unhealthy form of control. You need to have some time for yourself if you expect your relationship to blossom and last.
- Unrealistic fairy tale dreams
Extremely high expectations can destroy a budding relationship. If you expect your partner to be the “ideal Prince Charming” or a “faultless goddess,” then your realization that your partner is, after all, not ideal or faultless, will get you crashing back hard on solid ground in no time. There is absolutely nothing wrong in seeing the best of each other, and dreaming of happily spending the rest of your lives together, particularly at the beginning of the relationship. The problem rears its ugly head when you refuse to accept the fact that everyone has flaws and every relationship will encounter some problems at some point; thus, the need to work hard and persevere to sustain the relationship.
- Unproductive kind of love
A good relationship should be one that will allow both partners to grow as a person. If it does not, then you are better off without it. It is an issue that affects not only the relationship but the lives of the individuals involved, and sometimes, even those of the people around who care for them.
- Misconceptions about unconditional love
Some people in a relationship think that unconditional love involves loving their partners without boundaries – but hoping they would reciprocate. This is not true and unconditional love. This is a sign of lack of self respect and begging for love from someone you may not really be in love with, in the first place.
- Ineffective communication
Some people focus only on verbal communication thinking that it is what matters. However, actions are also important facets of effective communication. The key is in understanding your partner’s style of communicating and how to get the most benefit from them, regardless of you or your partner’s native tongue.
- Over-dependence on your partner
Your relationship will not succeed if you rely on your partner to complete you and to provide you with everything you need. If you feel worthless on your own, and you expect someone else to make you feel valued, then you are not doing the relationship a favor. You lack security and self-confidence; and in time, this will hurt not only yourself but your partner as well. If you want to contribute to a lasting relationship, you must make sure that you are a complete person on your own before making the commitment.
People need to understand why good relationships turn sour. This is not to get you worried about your own relationship or to make you feel miserable, but to be aware of the pitfalls that a lot of seemingly stable relationships have fallen into so you can avoid them, and understand how you can make yours work. Relationship success requires team effort. It needs a firm commitment from both parties. If you are not ready to commit yet, then don’t get into a relationship. You will know the right time once you are ready. Here’s another great external article on the subject matter “Nine reasons good relationships go bad“.