Romance has been seen very differently throughout history. From Antique times with Saint Valentine to the Early Modern Era of the 16th to 18th century with Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, and till today, the view of what is truly romantic has majorly altered. Romance is no longer about “impossible love” and “the more unattainable love is, the more passionate it would be.” Instead, in our modern culture, romance is non-tragic, and it is all about a “happily-ever-after-kind-of-romance” in an “instant gratification society.”
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Movies, books and magazines inspire audiences to search for a happy and lasting kind of love. “Silver linings playbook”, “50 first dates”, “Titanic”. “Notting Hill” and “Sleepless in Seattle” are a few titles among thousands to choose from if you want to escape into a world of romance. It is good to be inspired, but in real life, romantic love isn’t passionate and ecstatic all the time, but it goes up and down. When couples think the relationship must be intensely romantic all the time, problems arise. Many couples then break up instead of letting the relationship grow deeper and more stable.
In order for you to enjoy a harmonious relationship/marriage, you need to realize that romance is something that comes and goes, much like waves at the shore – it ebbs and it flows.
There are many definitions for the concept of romance; perhaps because it has a different meaning to different people. The best definition we can come up with is:
“Romance is a sense of excitement, happiness and contentment that an individual experiences when he/she thinks about or spends time with a certain person. It involves attraction and often brings about a desire for companionship and intimacy.
The feeling of romance brings about romantic actions.”
When romance is on its “high” between two people, they would often long to spend as much time as possible with each other and say no to other things to create opportunities to hang out. They would also generally long to be special to each other and have a desire for their relationship to last forever.
When romance is on its “high”, you are not afraid of inconvenience yourself for your partner. Your romantic gestures on days like Valentine’s Day or birthdays can only be considered romance if they occur on top of the usual normal day romance throughout the year. Moreover, you don’t necessarily have to spend money every time in order to be romantic. Hugs, kisses, love notes and doing something practical for your partner can go a very long way. Hence, it is a lot about “seeing” your partner regularly and meeting his/her needs.
Instead of thinking about being romantic, simply “be” it. Make the decision that you are going to pursue your partner all over again and simply start doing romantic things. Action always brings reaction. If you spend too much time thinking about it, you will find yourself the victim of self-sabotage. You will focus on faults, hurts, and other unimportant distractions that will stop you from reaching your goal. You don’t need books or a professional to help you with this process. You simply make the decision that you will start becoming it.
In order to become more romantic, you will find that listening is your best tool. By listening to your partner with more than just your ears but with your eyes and heart as well, you will see that there is so much more to discover about the incredible person you are committed to. Not only will you find that he/she is offering all sorts of clues and tips on how to be more romantic in your relationship. You will also find opportunities to offer support and fall in love all over again.
Giving never has a limit attached. Large, medium and best of all, small gestures are good enough as long as they come from the heart. As you choose to keep showing actions of romance, the odds are great that your relationship indeed will be the “happily ever after” kind!